A Little Note on Hospital Visits.

THis is NOT Owen, so don't freak out. This is just a picture of Christian when he was born illustrating how I feel when people come uninvited to the hospital:

No really, I realize that when most women have babies everyone and their dog comes for a visit. In my case, your dog is invited, but not you. I do NOT feel comfortable after pushing a baby out having people in the room. Why you ask?? I will give you a list (WARNING: I have strong opinions on this matter that my husband does NOT agree with, but he has never been sick before, so go figure):

-Did you know that they fill a rubber glove with ice and stick it between your legs? Yeah, try getting up and going to the bathroom with that hanging in your panties (along with a mattress- sized maxi pad, two types of cream, and tucks pads); add a room full of men... uh yeah.

-Hospital gowns open in the back. Once again making a "getting up in front of people" problem.

-Newborns need to be breast fed every 1.5-2 hours. If you arrive in the hospital room an hour and a half after I last fed the baby, you have 5 minutes to get out.

-After an epidural, you can't walk very good. So unless you want to empty my bed pan for me... you better stay away so I have some time to get to the potty.

-99.9% of people forget the mom is there. Oh what?? You have been hauling a fetus around for 9 months and now you want to hold it? But, I came to visit, so I will sit here holding your hard work while you suffer. AT LEAST BRING ME A TREAT! (Flowers are NOT a treat). Eclairs, fruit tarts and other chocolate items are welcome. While I eat the treat you can hold the baby. Deal?? Great! The last time I had a baby, people brought Jason's favorite treats and conveniently forgot about the person who labored for over 6 hours after fasting. Rude.

-After pushing for over an hour (possibly more) a girl doesn't look her best. And no, there is no make-up in my hospital suitcase.

-Why is it that people want to visit you in the hospital, but not at home when you need help? For heavens sake, wait a few weeks and come visit when I need a nap.

-People love to bring their children. Really, I love kids. I just don't like their grubby little hands touching my newborn. What?? Your 3 year old wants to hold the baby. He will be careful? NO! Have your own baby, then your toddler can take pictures holding your most prized possession.

-I can actually think of many more, but I don't want this post to be too wordsy:).

Anyway, you know who you are if you are invited because I will personally call you and be very specific about the room number I am in. Other than that, I love you, but just give me some time. Oh and for those who are invited, don't bring flowers. I am allergic, they cannot be eaten, and they are a pain to take home. 

Wish me luck (if you are not too offended and are still speaking to me).